Falling out of love - is it a natural occurrence?

[eatingLeaves6565]

I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection lately on past relationships and the idea of falling out of love.

I’ve had some amazing relationships in my life. And if you asked me of 20 years ago, I would have told you this guy is the one. It felt right at the time. He made me laugh, he was deep, intelligent and very kind.

He was younger than I was. So I was always thinking in the back of my mind, is this all just a fling? Why does it feel so real?

It got me wondering why do relationships fail, if they seem so right at the start?

Do people naturally fall out of love over time, or is it more about outgrowing each other?

Like, maybe the person who was perfect for you at 25 isn’t the same person you need at 35 or 45.

Just feeling nostalgic and wondering if anyone else can relate.

 

[DeltaQQ]

Eeeeyah, I definitely know what you mean. I feel like I am the only one who does this. I hyperfixate on a guy I really like and I sort of mirror him and become an expert in figuring out his every motivation and every little word. I lose myself in the process.

So yes every guy I met, even when I was younger, was the one. He was perfect. I matched him perfectly.

Only later on, did my therapist (and my Rabbi!) help me to realize that I am the one makes these perfect matches. Not him. I try so hard to match the men I like, and become the ideal woman for them.

But what do I want? That's the question that I keep coming back to.

 

[manifestoSkimmer]

My thing is why is it always "Falling out love?"

Why can't we stay friends? Why can't we be together as one, one species, one group of like minded people?

The monogamous and patriarchal culture is what shames us into believing a person's marriage is "failing" and that something aberrant is happening if they just want to meet new people.

Falling out of love to me is just two people realizing that forced monogamy your entire life is a bad idea. And the shame and hurt that they endure when the relationship changes, is traumatic. They think it's over when in fact it's just evolving as everything else does.

 

[forgetmeNot88]

Yeah I do think we outgrow people, for real.

The girls I dated in my 20s were all MILFs, the girls I dated in my 30s and 40s were college girls. See what I mean? We just outgrow people and fall out of love/lust, whatever you want to call it!