Has anyone ever told you that relationships are inherently doomed when couples hop into bed too soon. Sex on the first date?!?! Out of the question, they say.
But before we argue and take sides on this debate, let’s take a step back. Keep in mind that social mores tend to shape our emotions and personal viewpoints. They guide our thoughts and help us determine what’s good and bad; what’s moral and immoral.
Just because our friends/family tell us one thing, and society says something else, doesn’t make either one true. At the end of the day, we are the masters of our own domain. It’s ultimately our choice what we decide to do (and not do) with our bodies and minds. When two consenting adults decide to hop in the sack for a night of passion, it’s nobody’s business but their own. It could be a bad choice for the future of your relationship. It might also be the beginning of something awesome…a lifelong bond with a person you love. Either way is perfectly fine and acceptable. It’s still a personal, legitimate choice.
With all that said, let’s get started…
Two different viewpoints
Let’s look at two very different points of view. Obviously these aren’t inclusive of all points of view. Just my own:
- Heck yeah, let’s get it on…NOW
- Nope. Sex should be saved until you get to know each other, or until marriage
Viewpoint #1: Let’s do it!
This is 2015, not 1915. The days of shaming a woman for “giving it up too early” are long gone. Sexual liberation is here to stay, and the movement grows stronger by the year.
Let’s take a look at a 2013 article in Cosmopolitan magazine. In it, they go to great lengths to debunk those long standing beliefs that sex should wait. But they also stress that it’s up to the individual to decide when it’s the right time for sex.
They did a survey of 1,000 people aged 18-35 and published some interesting findings. A thousand is a pretty small sample size, but I believe this is still representative of the populace in general
- 83% of women believe that men think less of women who have sex on the first date
- 67% of men said they absolutely DON’T think less of those women
Looks like the sexes have two VERY different points of view. Maybe we should all get together and talk about this 🙂
Here’s the takeaway: if the time is right and the chemistry is there, go for it! Whether you’ve known each other for 3 hours or 6 months is irrelevant. The carnal desire of sex is always there and usually driven by physical attraction and intense affection for the opposite gender.
To add: Justin Lehmiller, a PhD and prominent social psychologist at Harvard says:
“In this day and age, more people recognize sex as an important component of a successful relationship, not something to be ashamed of.”
BAM. So there you have it. First date sex can’t be so bad after all, right? Well, maybe. Let’s see the other side of the story…
Viewpoint#2: Nope. Sex can wait.
Some people decide to wait, or even abstain. And that’s OK too. It all depends on their views of sexuality and what they’re comfortable with. Some wait for personal reasons. Some do it for religious or political reasons.
The conservative and religious segments of society tend to be sex negative when it’s outside of marriage, at least publicly. In fact, the largest mainstream religious (Judaism, Christianity and Islam) ALL dictate that sex is only for married couples. Sex should be used to consummate this special relationship, and not before.
They have their reasons, and some solid arguments. Not all are factual, though:
- Abstaining from sex before marriage is better for the sustainability of the relationship (not scientifically proven)
- Waiting until marriage, and then being monogamous for life, prevents the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (fact)
- By waiting until marriage, any children that are conceived will have two happy parents. This makes sense BUT, considering the reality that about half of marriages end in divorce, this isn’t always feasible.
Others just choose to wait for sex. Their decision has nothing to with societal pressures, a higher power, or anything else. They just want to wait for the right person.
Perhaps this stems from a past abusive relationship. Or maybe the person is socially awkward. Or maybe they have no desire to sleep around; they’re perfectly content with waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right.
When to have sex is YOUR personal decision
Politics, religion and society aside, when it comes to deciding “when the time is right,” it’s YOUR choice. The church, your parents, and your best friends have no business dabbling in your personal sex life.