Dating Psychology: How to Approach Women

Meeting women is a tricky proposition for MANY guys. Having the balls to break the ice and make the approach is usually the most difficult part.

For some dudes, picking up women comes natural. It’s as easy as putting their pants on in the morning.

For other guys, it’s a stomach twisting, fear inducing ritual. Lack of confidence and a studdering voice could ruin the moment in a snap.

But you can always improve your approach techniques. Regardless if you’re a seasoned pro or a fledgling newbie, confidence and good presentation can be learned and improved upon. With a little practice, you can make it second nature.

The more women you approach, the more practice you get. Like with shooting a basketball, practice really can make (almost) perfect. The more women you talk to and meet, the more you will feel at ease. As it gets easier, your confidence builds. And women can smell confidence (or lack of) a mile away!

Let’s get started…


Confidence is the key

Confidence is a very attractive feature when approaching women. It’s ok (and wise) to be indifferent about the interaction. It’s best to approach the situation and be perfectly content with the outcome. If she’s nice, that’s awesome! If she’s a real biatch, you can still walk away with a smile, knowing that she just wasn’t the right girl.

REMEMBER: It’s important to understand that there can always be two possibilities. They could be interested or not. Always keep in mind their decision does not reflect on you personally.


how to approach women
This guy doesn’t look intimidated!



Some common attractions for women

  1. Being confident, but not arrogant. There is a fine line between the two. Women love knowing that a man is decisive and a go getter. That when he has a desire, he pursues it and obtains it. It is some sort of primal assurance that the woman will be “taken care of”.
  2. Being Bold. Women are attracted to powerful, confident, masculine leaders. She will feel your power (or lack of) in your body language, tonality and other non-verbal communications. Present well and be articulate. This ties in with confidence. No fidgeting or stuttering. Have a calm way of communication that is clear and respectful.
  3. Being direct and honest. Be playful and have fun. This way, even if she isn’t interested, you both get to leave the interaction on a positive note. This is one of the points I bring up in 4 turn ons for girls.
  4. Being attentive and a good listener. We can always find a common ground to relate to another. Look and listen to what she does and what she says. Making eye contact is a great way to connect, it is flirty and shows you are confident.

She’s likely evaluating you for any or all of these things. Heck, maybe she’s even looking for boyfriend material. Catch my drift? Be on your best behavior, and you’ll do fine.


I don’t believe in pick up lines

This is simply because I know one size does not fit all. When we get caught in pre-scripted lines, it loses valuable meaning and emotion. I know this may sound cliche, but the best way to communicate is to be natural. Speak from whatever comes to mind when you first see the woman you want to approach.

Keep in mind that if your first thought is on a shallow physical/sexual level, it may not be the most appropriate thing to share. This is not to say that you cannot comment on a beauty, but how you say it is everything. If used incorrectly, this belongs in the pickup graveyard, along with my 5 turn offs for girls.


When speaking to her, get to the point

Don’t ramble on and on without a point. Speak in “thick sentences.” Here’s what I mean: if you can make a conversational point in 10 seconds, why ramble on and take 30 seconds? Or a minute?

When you have something to say, cut out all the extra words and phrases that don’t pertain to the point. This exudes confidence. You’re conveying to her that you know exactly what you’re saying, and you know precisely what you want. This also takes pressure off you, since you’re not babbling, thinking about what to say next.

More important: you’re giving her the time to talk. This is just common courtesy, and a great way to let her open up and speak to you!


Bookstores and coffee shops are great places to meet women

If you’re in a bookstore and genuinely interested in the topics/genres of books she is browsing through, this is a great way to make a connection. She will be able to see the similarities. If you’re hanging at the local coffee shop, ask her about her favorite brew.  Maybe you could learn something about coffee too!

REMEMBER: If you want to ask her opinion about something, it needs to be genuine. Something you are interested in knowing. Women can tell when a man is insincere. It can be a real turn off.

Women love to feel like they are special, unique and recognized as such. They all have their own special beauty and gifts. Can you pick up and relate to this uniqueness in a genuine way? If yes, I am sure that you will “seal the deal” if she is looking for a man.


Evaluate why she caught your attention

This will help you determine your next step(s).  When you first see her, what is it that has caught your attention?

  • Was there something about her energy that you could not pinpoint but you were compelled to approach her?
  • Was it the way she interacted kindly with the cashier?
  • Is her beauty so breath taking that even if she refused your approach, it was worth just having the opportunity of a brief interaction with an angel?
  • Is it the way she dressed?
  • Does she have amazing fashion sense?

Commenting on anything you have noted that is unique about her WILL get her attention. The more bold your approach, the more likely she will listen to what you have to say. Comment on her choices of beverage, jewelry, hair style, clothing, etc…  These are all polite and safe ways to open conversation.


Is she still interested?

Once you feel there could be slight interest, just be as honest as possible with your intention and interest while remaining respectful. She will give you the hint on how to continue. Be attentive. Be present, and be grounded. Look for the subtle communications. For instance, body language. If she seems uninterested, leave it alone but end on a high note.

If the conversation has lasted over 30 seconds, chances are she is interested. Be light, be honest and be your true self. Nothing is more attractive than a man who knows who he is. Most importantly keep in mind, that what can seem like a negative response is not personal. The woman you approached could have other factors affecting her decision to not pursue the conversation.


Close the deal

Once the conversation is open and flowing, asking for a way to get in touch is a piece of cake.


Some generic opening lines to get you started

Here are some easy openers to help you break the ice. Obviously it’s best to use your own words, but mix it in with these, and you’re well on your way.

“Hi, I know that this is really random for the street, you’re probably heading home from work or something, but I just walked right past you with my friend up and there and I thought ‘Wow I have to go back and talk to that woman’”.

“Your sense of fashion really caught my eye, I love the way you put your outfit together”.


If you’re lacking any or all of these qualities, all it takes is practice and persistence. You’ll get there!

For the lucky few that are blessed with plenty of cash to throw around, just remember this: money doesn’t buy you love, but it can certainly help!



More dating. More sex.

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I'm Dave. Chief cook and bottle washer here at Mr. Racy

A few things you should know about me.

I'm white collar. Love my sex toys. Big fan of intelligent, sexy women. Fluent in English, Profanity and Sarcasm.

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