Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, age doesn’t matter. And so it goes with Age Play, where participants role-play to be an age much younger or older than reality.
Age play is a popular kink in the BDSM community. For these role-players, age is much more than a state of mind. It’s a way of play. A way of exploring different power dynamics. Using props, dressing up and giving/taking away rewards are all part of the game.
So whether you’re young at heart or just looking to explore a different side of yourself, this page is for you. Let’s get started on your journey to a more playful life.
What is age play?
Age play refers to role-playing games in which one or more partners take on the role of someone significantly younger or older than themselves. It can be a fun and exciting kink to add some spice to your sex life. It can also have some positive relationship benefits as well.
Ageplay can help to increase communication and intimacy between partners, as well as giving them a chance to explore different aspects of their sexuality. It can also be a great way to let go of inhibitions and to explore different power dynamics, like with domination.
The reasons people do it are many, but for the most part, this kink fulfills an emotional or spiritual need. Examples include:
- Stepping away from daily stressors like work or family commitments
- Re-creating fantasies from an earlier stage of life
- Spicing up a boring sex life
- For many, it’s just too much fun!
Age play is about the emotional connection that comes from the roles they play. This emotional connection easily transfers over to the real connection between the two people playing the game. This is the draw. This is why so many love to play it.
It can be a safe place to express love, trust and most of all, vulnerability. It can be a gateway to a happy place that provides relief from pain and suffering. If only for a little while.
Consent is VERY important here. It goes beyond just saying “i agree.” It should be affirmed and reaffirmed throughout the role playing session. Periodically check in with your Little or Middle to make sure they’re ok. Make sure they’re comfortable with what you’re doing. Allow them to to say “stop” or “slow down” when necessary.
It should be recognised that this is a playground for adults, who need to be fully engaged, informed, and educated. This isn’t for kids. Only for adults pretending to be….
What age play is NOT!
Age play is NEVER about a real “family connection” or a desire actually be younger or older. It’s just a game that’s played by responsible adults.
Age play is NOT pedophilia (a very common misconception). It doesn’t involve any actual feelings toward minors, which is highly illegal and inappropriate. It’s practiced by consenting adults who are playing a role or acting out a fantasy. That’s it. Nothing more.
Terms: Littles, Middles and Bigs
Here are 3 key terms you should know, as they refer to the participants: Littles, Middles and Bigs.
As with most things in the BDSM community, there’s a balance between submissive and dominant. Aggressive versus passive. Strong versus weak.
This dynamic is especially prominent with fetishes like age play.
BDSM Littles
Littles usually take on a child-like role. They might enjoy finger painting, skipping in the park, dressing in a onesie, or staying up past their bed time. Lots of people enjoy these same activities, including adults, but Littles enjoy it a lot.
Littles can be either dominant or submissive, and can switch between the two depending on the situation. Some also enjoy being called pet names like “baby” or “sweetheart”.
For these people, being a Little is a way to escape from life’s responsibilities. It’s a way to escape from being an adult, if only for a short time. The “discipline” they receive from their caretaker might make them feel like they’re loved and protected.
A submissive Little may:
- be a good girl/boy
- do all their chores for a reward
- always listen to the “adult”
- be a good student
A dominant Little may:
- throw a tantrum
- be a bad sister/brother
- bite the adult (not too hard though!)
Middles
A person playing the Middle role is generally pretending to be a teenager. Old enough to know better, but not old enough to be an adult.
Middles are usually more rebellious and unruly than the Littles. And likewise can be either submissive or dominant and switch between the two when called for. This power struggle and the resulting reward or punishment is part of the fun.
A submissive Middle may:
- Do all their chores
- Finish all their homework before bed
- Clean their room
A dominant Middle may:
- Sulk when they don’t get what they want
- Yell at their adult
- refuse to do their homework
Bigs
The Big is the adult. The one who rules the roost. The counterpart to the Little or Middle. This is probably the easiest role to play, as the consenting parties are (or should be) adults. This person could be a mommy, daddy, teacher, or anyone else in a position of power.
The key is to be yourself. Or perhaps, don’t be yourself, if the situation calls for it. It totally depends on the comfort level with yourself and your partner.
Like the Little or Middle, the Big may be submissive or dominant and switch between the two when necessary. Some also enjoy being called pet names like “daddy” or “uncle”.
For these people, being the Big is about taking care of their partner. This is a position of responsibility. It’s the unselfish role in that they are providing a reprieve for their Little or Middle from the daily rigors of life, work or whatever. They are creating a space for their partner to be playful without feeling awkward.
A submissive Big may:
- be wrapped around the Middle’s finger
- be an older sibling who gets pushed around by the Little
- be a parent that can’t say no
A dominant Big may:
- be a strict parent
- be a strict teacher
- be a babysitter
Examples
There are many different types of age play, and the type that you choose will depend on your own personal interests and preferences. You can explore different types to find the one that’s right for you. This is by no means an all-inclusive list, just a few scenarios that come to mind.
Infantilism
This involves dressing up and acting like a baby. This can include wearing diapers, drooling or using a pacifier. Wetting the pants and sucking on thumbs are common characteristics of this kink.
Toddlerism
This involves dressing up and acting like a toddler. This can include tantrums, playing with toys, and having a short attention span.
Schoolgirl/boy
Another type of age play is schoolgirl/boy play, which involves dressing up and acting like a schoolchild. This can be a fun and naughty way to explore your sexuality, and it can also be a way to feel young and carefree again.
Teacher/student
This is a fantasy of many an adolescent young man (or woman). It involves a Little or Middle having a relationship with their Big, a teacher.
Young adult/senior citizen
This is another type of age play, also known as senior citizen play. This can be a fun way to explore the dynamics of power and control. The two can take turns between being the “older and wiser” to the “younger and more naive.”
Caregiver/patient
This could be like a young nurse (hopefully naughty!) taking care of an elderly patient. The nurse could wear a skimpy costume and cater to all the needs of the “dependent” patient. One of my favorite fantasies!
Non-Sexual Age Play
Age play by no means needs to be sexual. It can be played in a completely platonic, innocent manner. For many, this is the favored way to play the game. It’s simply a way to feel cared for and loved without any further connotations.
By being non-sexual, the participants can simply let go of whatever is on their mind. They can just have fun with a child-like mindset. With no repercussions for doing so.
I recommend this as the starting point for anyone interested in exploring this fetish. This way it feels non-committal with no strings attached. Once the role-players get comfortable, they can explore other avenues and take the fetish up another level.
Tips for fun and safety
There are a few things to keep in mind if you’re interested in trying age play. Like with most other BDSM kinks and fetishes, communication is KEY.
Talk to your partner
Make sure that you’re both on the same page about what you’re comfortable with before you get started. If you have a partner that’s clearly not interested in this kink, then there’s no reason to pursue it any further.
Establish boundaries
Decide what you’re going to do and what you’re not going to do before you get started. Surprises can exciting, but when starting out, it’s best to keep things transparent.
Use a safe word
Agree on a word that you can use to stop the activity if either of you starts to feel uncomfortable. It should be a simple word that wouldn’t be used in a normal conversation while roleplaying. Words like banana or pineapple are examples.
Take it slow
Start with something small and work your way up to something more intense if you’re both comfortable with it. As with most kinks, building up over time is the proper way to go.
Have fun!
Age play can be a great way to add some fun and excitement to your sex life. Don’t take it too seriously (unless you both want to), it’s just a game for your mutual enjoyment!
Dark or Extreme Age Play
Dark/extreme age play is when these activities start pushing the boundaries of acceptability, even among the kink community.
When one of the players is incapable or unable to consent, this presents a big problem. It should never be done with a partner who is intoxicated or mentally unfit to truly provide consent. Even if they say “yes” it really means “no” if it’s under these circumstances.
Take age regression as an example. By definition, regression is where a person reverts back to a younger state of mind. Someone in this state of mind may not be capable of informed consent. Physically they’re still an adult, mentally they could still have the cognitive ability of someone much younger.
Here’s a good rule of thumb: always use sound judgement when engaging in this activity. If you feel even the slightest bit of unease, stop what you’re doing. Always better to be safe than sorry.
Common Q & A
Color with them
Read their favorite book
Give them a pacifier
Put them down for a nap
Rock them to sleep
Watch cartoons with them
Their voice changes, perhaps higher pitched
They’re excited and bouncing off the walls
They talk like an adolescent
They are pouty
If you’re not sure what they’re thinking, just ask
Some people make them a part of the roleplay, others don’t. Regardless, they’re neither expected nor required.
Diaper lovers aren’t always into age play, just as age players aren’t always into diapers.
Final thoughts
Age play can be a fun and exciting way to add some spice to your sex life. If you’re interested in trying it, make sure to talk to your partner about it first and to establish some clear boundaries.
As with any other kink or fetish, communication and transparency are of utmost importance. Always discuss boundaries and expectations beforehand. And ALWAYS make sure both parties consent. These should be no-brainers, but I want to mention them for completeness. It’s no longer a game if it’s not fun and enjoyable for both parties.
With a little planning and preparation, age play can open new doors of intimacy and connection with your partner.
Main image credit: PatrickValtiel, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons
