Orgasm Denial: How To Tease Up Your Sex Life

Orgasm denial is the art of taking your partner to dizzying heights of arousal. Then keeping her there for a prolonged period of time. Tease and denial is a seriously erotic game of bringing her as close to the edge of orgasm as possible. But doing it without putting her over, and then stopping.

Known by several other names– tease and denial, peaking, surfing– it is fast becoming a popular activity. This has been practiced for years among the BDSM crowd. It changes the game so that sex is no longer about rushing ahead to orgasm. It’s about enjoying the ride.

A couple of rules that apply to orgasm denial in general:

Always make her wait for it. A good tease and denial needs a little bit of anticipation, so don’t give in too easily! If she asks you for sex or oral sex, say no. If she wants you to go down on her, tell her no but then make her beg for it. These kinds of games are fun because they make both partners feel desired and appreciated. They also build up sexual tension and make orgasms more intense when they finally happen!

Play hard to get. It’s important to know when your partner wants something from you. And it’s equally important to know when they don’t want it at all! This is where knowing when someone is “playing hard-to-get” comes into play. Especially with women who are much better at doing this than men are!

8 ways to take tease and denial to the next level

We’ve put together eight tips for teasing and denying her, both in and out of the bedroom. You can turn each of these activities into short-term denial or make it total. It all depends on how you like to play the game.

Short-term denial involves the simple delay of your partner’s orgasm over a period of time. There’s no promise of orgasm as the outcome.

Total sexual denial may include the use of a chastity belt to avoid all stimulation of the genitals. This erects a full barrier to genital touching. Yet while continuing to touch and tease other areas, arousal can reach super intense levels.

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1. Prepare her for orgasm denial

There are plenty of opportunities to tease just by getting her ready for denial games. In order to ensure a good experience, your lover needs to know her own body. She’ll need to explore what arousal techniques work best on her. Whether she responds best to toys or prefers the gentler touch of her fingers.

Encourage her to masturbate to explore her body, but don’t let her reach orgasm. Help her (hands off!) to explore enough to know where her limits are, and how much her body can take before she gets off– make sure that no matter how close she brings herself, she doesn’t climax. If you must touch her, finger her, but don’t have sex…yet. Heck, make her wear a butt plug to bed for a night, just to remind her of what she’ll be feeling when the denial phase is over.

Remind her to stimulate her genitals, but don’t forget other areas of her body– this is playtime. From nipples to thighs and anywhere else that feels good, encourage her to do whatever it takes to become as aroused as possible. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to make her squirt! And that’s one of the most satisfying sexual things in the world.

Remember that orgasm denial isn’t easy. Its counterintuitive to everything most of us have ever learned about sex– so take your time and enjoy this exploration as a couple.

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2. Tease her by talking dirty

It’s difficult for some guys to talk dirty to their girlfriends or wives. They may be worried about saying something wrong or not knowing what to say. Or maybe they just aren’t comfortable being so dirty.

The benefits of talking dirty

It turns her on

Talking dirty is an easy way to turn your partner on (and yourself). It’s all about getting into their head and making them feel sexy, and that means saying things that make them feel sexually desired by you.

It helps you get what you want

Some women don’t like being told what to do in bed. But there’s a difference between telling someone what they should do and suggesting something they might enjoy doing. Dirty talk helps you find out what your partner likes and wants. This means that if you can talk dirty, then it will also help you get exactly what you want from sex too!

It makes sex more fun for both of you

If you feel nervous about trying out new things during sex then dirty talk can be a great way for both of you to relax and have some fun together without being too serious about it (which can sometimes lead to tension).

Here’s how to practice talking dirty

Practice reading sexy stories: Read erotic stories out loud and pay attention to the words that make your girlfriend feel aroused. Write them down so you don’t forget them.

Use those words in everyday conversation: Try incorporating some of those words into your conversations with her. If she seems receptive, keep going! If not, try something else instead (and write it down for future reference).

Make up sentences about what she does during sex: If you’ve been having sex with her for a while now, chances are good that you know what turns her on and what doesn’t turn her on — or at least what works for her most of the time. Pay attention during sex so that when she’s getting close, you can say something like “You love it when I do this” or “You’re going

3. Make denial reciprocal

Once you’ve teased her to the breaking point, make it so she has to give you an orgasm before she gets one herself– then make it tough. Tie her arms, blindfold her, do whatever it takes to make it a challenge.

Once she’s made sure you’ve climaxed, you can return the favor.

4. Set a Number of Denials

Choose a number of cycles of teasing and denial she has to make it through before you’ll allow her to climax– for example, if you’ve decided on 4 cycles, make sure you tease her until she’s ready to erupt, and then back off each and every time.

Remember– once you’ve set the expectations, show no mercy! The longer she waits for her orgasm, the stronger it’ll be.

4. Pick a Date

Pick a date on the calendar and don’t allow your lover to orgasm until that day– no falling into bed the morning of, either. Get through the day as normal, take her out to dinner, talk dirty to her. Take your time getting her to bed and when it’s finally time, she’ll be ready to explode. She may be so horny that she’ll try to have hot sex somewhere in public. But don’t allow it, hands-off is the name of the game.

5. Use Orgasm as a Reward

Depending on your relationship, there are numerous things you can set up as criteria for earning rewards points. Set out a specific number of things your lover must do to earn her orgasm– for example, a blow job is 10 points, dressing up in your favorite boots is 5 points, and so on.

Once she’s earned enough points, she’s earned an orgasm– remember not to set the bar too low! Leave lots of time between orgasms for her to simmer so things are explosive when she’s finally allowed to climax.

6. Using Physical Restraints

When it comes to sex, there are a lot of things that can be done to you, or you can do to someone else. Some people enjoy having their nipples licked, some like being spanked, and others like being tied up. This is a great way to dominate your partner in bed.

Physical restraints are an option that many couples enjoy using when playing orgasm denial and teasing games. Restraints come in all different shapes and sizes, from leather cuffs to silk scarves and everything in between.

The most common type of restraint is handcuffs. These are usually made from metal or plastic and can be easily secured around the wrists or ankles. They come in many different colors and styles so that they can match any outfit or mood you wish.

bed restraints for orgasm denial

Bed Restraints



Fits under the mattress
Works on any bed
Velcro cuffs for easy use

Games involving restraints are sometimes referred to as ‘tie and tease’. Through the use of physical restraints, teasing can take place over an extended period of time, and dominant control is increased, which intensifies arousal on both sides.

Restraints are easy to come by – you can order them online, or better yet take a trip to the local sex shop (everyone has one) together and spend some leisurely time picking them out.

7. Stream Her Fantasies

Streaming porn or listening to erotica can be a great way get her all wound up– if she likes that sort of thing. By tying her to the bed and allowing her to watch her favorite fantasies as you tease her, you can be guaranteed that she’ll be crazy with need. Don’t forget to put on some sexy background music to elevate the mood.

Don’t forget to touch her all over as she’s helpless to pleasure herself– and once you’re done, it’s up to you whether it’s a short-term or a total denial. You can either let her climax or you can pick a date or set a rewards system.

8. Chastity tease, buy her a Belt

Why should I buy my girlfriend a chastity belt?

Chastity belts are incredibly popular in the kink world, and for good reason. They have been used for thousands of years to keep people from having sex with anyone but their master. They’re also an excellent way to build trust in your relationship and show that you care about your partner’s pleasure as much as yours.

chastity belt for tease and denial

Chastity belt



Padded leather stops vaginal and anal play
Heart cutout for tickling

If you think it’s time to add some kinky fun to your bedroom, then you should definitely consider buying your girlfriend a chastity belt. Here are just a few reasons why:

It will keep her aroused all day long.

She’ll love knowing that she can’t get off without your permission — or at least until she gets home from work!

It will make her feel sexy and powerful knowing that she has control over her own pleasure.

Orgasm tease and denial = prolonged, unhurried fun

The point of tease and denial is that it’s carried out over time. Prolonged and unhurried, so that it becomes more about the power dynamics in the relationship than reaching orgasm. For the partner doing the teasing, it’s about getting off on the rush of power that comes from having control over the submissive partner’s release.

There is a very intense feeling of physical need on the part of the receiving partner. But that’s not the only need that arises. Often, denying sexual satisfaction brings about strong feelings of psychological need, a need to please, to give up control to their partner.

For a dominant partner, the feeling of denying orgasm can be a heady, highly arousing experience, an extreme sexual high.

For the submissive partner, it is about two very important concepts in the sexual journey. There is the rapture of submitting, but there is also the bliss that comes of slowing down sex, of becoming aware of each and every sensation in the body, every nuance of arousal.

Orgasm denial is sexual mindfulness at its most potent

It truly is an art form. There are a variety of techniques that one can use to heighten a partner’s arousal to peak levels and keep them surfing the waves of desire until you’re ready to release them.

But it’s also a precarious thing. To have the sensitivity and the presence of mind to be able to sense when your partner is near and to draw back just enough to keep things going takes tremendous skill.

It’s important to understand that orgasm denial doesn’t have to be used in bondage. The intimacy it invokes in a sexual bond can be great for any relationship, whether you’re into BDSM or not.

For those couples who are interested in trying it, there are several things to keep in mind as you begin your journey together. Tease and denial can enhance intimacy and trust in the relationship. It can heighten sensation and allow for intense control over the when and how the receiving partner orgasms.

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Final thoughts on orgasm denial: teasing is pleasing

Orgasm denial is a healthy way to explore both orgasm and intimacy together. There are numerous ways a couple can ease into this type of sexual play. Once both partners are used to playing this way, it’s a versatile tool. There are so many ways to apply the techniques to enhance your sex life.

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Remember that the underlying dynamics are all about power. Be careful to support your partner by helping her to prepare. By engaging in open communication about any concerns she may have, you can use orgasm denial to enhance both your sexual connection and the way your bodies experience sex.

Negotiating before you play as far as what activities are acceptable is also a good idea. If you’re using restraints, you may want to set a ‘safe’ word so she can signal the end of the game if she needs to.

Remember to play by the rules and respect your bond. Make it easy for her to trust you and you’ll drive her crazy with desire. After all, there’s nothing quite as potent as being mindful of every delicious sensation that takes over your body. And tease and denial games are a great way to increase stimulation!

Once you’ve accomplished this, take the next step and learn about tantric sex.


About ME

I'm Dave. Chief cook and bottle washer here at Mr. Racy

A few things you should know about me.

I'm white collar. Love my sex toys. Big fan of intelligent, sexy women. Fluent in English, Profanity and Sarcasm.

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