Bedroom secrets: how to be dominant in bed

Most women want a strong man that knows how to be dominant in bed. They want Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. She wants every guy in Magic Mike. They want someone who can fight off a bear while not spilling his beer. They want a guy who knows the difference between an automatic rifle and a shotgun and knows how to use both to defend their home.

These traits trickle into the bedroom, too. Most women want a guy who’s willing to take charge in bed from time to time. They want a man who knows how to be dominant in bed, and drive her over the edge into a screaming orgasm, to make her so wet that she’ll need to take a shower after (which is the perfect place for Round 2). With a couple of fool-proof tips and tricks, you’ll be able to dominate and invigorate your love life in no time.

You never want to go further than she wants and, if she says so, stop. It’s as simple as that, gentlemen.

Before you begin, though, it’s important to remember one thing: make sure to see how far your partner is willing to go. If she only wants gentle domination, keep it at gentle. It’s much more important to have a happy partner than to just get only what you want. Ask any guy who’s been in a relationship for a while.

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How to be more dominant in bed: 3 levels

Depending on what’s okay with your partner, feel free to start gentle and work your way up. Or, you can mix it up. Try a little gentle followed by a little aggressive. Keep her guessing with your bedroom dominance skills and you might just make her squirt!

Gentle bedroom domination

This is the best place to start with being dominant in bed if you’ve never tried anything before. You don’t want to go full-on handcuffed to the bed with a blindfold on if your partner has never even had her hair pulled a little. This is a good place to turn on some soft sex music to set the tone.

Against a wall

Pushing your partner up against a wall or door is a great way to express your dominance. Spread her legs and keep her pinned between you and the wall. She won’t have any choice but to offer herself up to you. Have her place her palms against the wall for balance as you grab her ass and spread her some more. You’re the one with all the power here, so give it to her and show her how much power you’ve got. While you’re at it, finger her to get her wet and ready for your next moves.

Talking Dirty

There’s no easier way show her you know how to be dominant in bed than by talking dirty. Tell your partner that you’re in charge, that you’re the one that’s making the decisions. Tell her in no uncertain terms that she’s under your control until it’s over.
Whisper it in her ear as you breath on her neck and you’ll get her riled up in no time.

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You’re probably going to be bigger than your partner. That’s just how we’re made, so put your body to good use. Manhandle your partner. Pick her up and throw her on the bed and show her how strong you can be. Try holding her down, too, while you’re at it. Don’t give her a chance to get up when you’re on top. If she attempts to, use your strength and hold her down.

Try putting both her wrists above her head and holding her down with one hand while you pump into her. If you’re doing it right, you’ll see a mischievous glint in her eyes. She probably won’t say it, but she’s loving every minute of it.

Pulling Her Hair

Ever have your head scratched? Feels good, right? Try pulling her hair while you’re in her to heighten her pleasure. Don’t pull too hard—you don’t want to distract her—but tug to let her know who’s boss. Grab a handful of hair and pull her neck back to expose her throat. When she’s in this position—particularly when you’re behind her—feel free to lean in and nibble. Not only will you be pushing deep into her, but you’ll turn her on extra by attacking her neck. She’ll be moaning in no time.


This can be used at any stage of the game, but is good for the beginning levels. If you’ve never tried it, you’ll be surprised at how turned on your partner can get. Try different games or different scenarios: teacher with a bad student (don’t forget the ruler!), nurse with patient, master with maid.

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Moderate Bedroom Domination

This is where your skills with how to be dominant in bed begin. The two of your are comfortable now and she starts coming back for more when you whisper the things you want to do to her in her ear, biting the lobe as you do.


She’s been a bad girl and she needs to be punished. Bend her over your lap and spank her. Or if you’re behind her, grab her hip with one hand and leave a nice palm print with the other on her ass. Then, switch sides. Spanking is a great way to show your dominance from any position. Even if she’s on top—but if you’re in charge why would she be on top?—you can still smack her ass.

If your partner does manage to get on top and you want to show her that you’re the one who’s really in charge, grab her by the hips or in a hug and flip her on her back. It’ll happen too quickly for her to do anything and the look of lust in her eye for you after it happens will be priceless.


Nibble and bite her all over her body—her ear lobes, her nipples, the insides of her thighs, anywhere. The little shock of pain will titillate her and keep her coming back for more. Try working your way up or down her body, leaving a trail of hickeys or almost-hickeys. Tell her that you’re marking your property, if she asks why. This is a great technique to use at any stage of being dominant, it just depends on how hard you bite.

Orgasm Denial

Ask any guy who’s ever had blue balls and you’ll find out quick that orgasm denial is torture. Tease your partner by bringing her right to the edge, then backing off. When she finally does cum, get ready to be rocked, though. If you’re going down on her, kiss the insides of her thighs and lick and suck around her clit, eventually making your way there, getting her closer and closer to the edge and, just when she starts to tense up, go back to kissing her thighs.

If your cock is in her, pull out and hold it for her to see. Do this a few times until she looks desperate and then plunge deep and hard and bring her over the edge.

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Nothing says ‘I’m in charge’ like handcuffing your partner to the bed. Get multiple pairs and make sure she doesn’t move. She’ll let you do whatever you want once she realizes she’s not going anywhere. You can get a good pair of handcuffs from any sex shop and, if you want to appeal to her feminine side, you can even get them in the fuzzy variety.

Start with just her hands or feet handcuffed to the bed then move on to total domination by handcuffing each limb. If you don’t have handcuffs, use belts or ties—they work just as good and you don’t have to go out and spend any extra money on them.

Hot Wax/Hot Lube

Light a candle and pour the melted wax on her nipples. It’ll hurt a little, but candle flame will be nothing compared to how hot it’ll make her. Do this slowly and sensually to really heighten the pleasure over an extended period of time. If hot wax is out of the question, trying warming lube. Many of them are edible, and you can lick/suck/bite the lube off as you please.

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Aggressive Bedroom Domination

If you get to this level, it’s time to unleash your inner Mr. Grey and show her you know how to be dominant in bed. That may do it right there. You may have your partner orgasming just at the thought of being with the mysterious man in the books. Even if that does it, though, this is about being aggressive and dominant. It’s time to show her who’s boss.


Short for bondage, discipline, and sadomasochism, this is the umbrella term for a lot of what would be considered aggressive domination. Tying your partner up, spanking harder than before, leather whips, chains, you name it. If your girl’s seen 50 Shades of Grey she’ll know what she’s in for and don’t be surprised if she’s went before you even start.

The key here is to not go too hard too fast. Dole out her punishment in small doses, gradually ramping up the power you use. Remember to agree to a safe word, but if she doesn’t say it, keep going—she’s probably loving it. Adding some manhandling in there and you’ll obliterate any image of the movie and book she has. The only one she’ll want to spank her will be you.

If you happen to have a big penis, this is a great time to show her a little pleasurable pain.


Depriving someone of oxygen in measured amounts can lead to euphoric experiences. When you’re on top, try choking her. Start with one hand, gently pressing down on her throat before moving to the two-hand choke, where you have more control over the power you’re exerting. As with any aggressively dominant move, be careful. Too much can be incredibly dangerous. You want to turn your partner on, you don’t want to hurt her permanently. Be sure to know the limits and start slow. There’s a not-so-fine line between aggressive dominant sexual behavior and being abusive.


Along the lines of choking, gagging can turn your partner on if done right. You can buy ball gags as well as other types in any sex shop and they work great to keep your partner quiet while you do whatever you want to her, but a rock hard cock works just as well. Combine this with handcuffs to really show her who’s in charge. She’ll have no choice but to open up and accept whatever you give her.


The words “You dirty girl” are beginner-level stuff if you’re looking to degrade your partner. Taking her down a notch by degrading her not only shows that she’s the one that needs to be submissive, but it’ll turn her on in the process.

If dirty talk isn’t necessarily your thing, try “You’re my little bitch, aren’t you?” on for size. Words and phrases like this would work to show that she is in the submissive position. Get her to call you sir or master. Make her respond as such to everything you say and, if she doesn’t, let her know that she’s going to be spanked. Hard.

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Final thoughts on how to be more dominant in the bedroom

The sky’s the limit when it comes to learning how to be dominant in bed. Pick a dominant role and make your partner be the submissive role, giving in to your every demand. Use costumes and props for added effect. That ruler I mentioned? Spank her with it. Use a feather duster as an anal toy when you bend the naughty maid over the table and fuck her for stealing your wife’s pearl necklace. Afterward, give her a real pearl necklace.

There are plenty of ways to be dominate her in the bedroom and these are just a few of them. The key is to have open communication with your partner. Find out what both of you want and go from there. Get creative. Find that thing that gets her as excited as you are. Some things may not turn her on like others do, so it’s important to not get discouraged if something doesn’t work. Try something else next. And don’t forget, it’s VERY important to last longer in bed, otherwise all this dominance is for nothing!

Pro Tip: have unhinged, naughty sex somewhere in public. This is obviously outside the scope of this post, but it’s a great way to show off your manly skills.

More than anything, showing you’re involved and passionate about what you’re doing is going to turn her on. So… go big before you go home—or if you’re home, go big, then go big again on the kitchen table. Then swing for the fences when you two hit the shower.

Tweak your bedroom domination skills even more with our Pro’s Guide for breast play.


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I'm Dave. Chief cook and bottle washer here at Mr. Racy

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I'm white collar. Love my sex toys. Big fan of intelligent, sexy women. Fluent in English, Profanity and Sarcasm.

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