So I bought the Pipedream Extreme Fuck Me Silly Mega Masturbator. That’s a mouthful to say, isn’t it?
I’ve been dying to review this wicked awesome toy for over a year. I never had the balls to pull the trigger and buy it, until now. At just north of $200 it’s pricey. But totally worth it in my masturbatory opinion.
Disclaimer: I purchased this with my own money. No sponsorship. No freebies. Just my raw, unfiltered opinions.
If nothing else, these are the most important things to know about this toy:
The Fuck Me Silly is BAD ASS…did I mention that already??
The Fantaflesh “skin” feels really nice. Fantaflesh is Pipedream’s name for the material that covers this toy. I can’t say that it’s life like, but it feels sexy and reacts to slapping and spanking very well.
She has a supreme wiggle and jiggle motion. See my home-brew video below. In fact it responds similarly to an 18 year old woman’s ass when you spank it! Oh yeah.
It’s relatively easy to clean. The pussy and vagina holes are connected via one long tube. Shoot warm soapy water through one end and it runs out the other. Not as easy as a Tenga or Fleshlight, but can be done in less than 5 minutes.
The pussy and ass holes feel really fucking awesome. Just the right amount of tightness for me, and I’m an average girth guy. Would I like them tighter? Yes, but they are more than acceptable.
Place her on a bed or table that’s the proper height. Grab her by the waist. Pound away. It’s really that simple.
She cannot be completely submerged in water. There is an air vent at the top. NEVER get water, lube or cum in there!
Who should buy this toy?
Anyone with a penis can thoroughly enjoy this masturbator. This means straight people, gay people or trans people. If you can get an erection, then you can certainly use this to pound out your frustrations or make a cloudy day a little bit brighter.
I most like to use it on a weekend when I won’t be able to enjoy the company of a female. When I’m bored or feeling horny, I just pull her out of my closet, lube her up and pound away. In a few minutes my world is a bit better and I have a HUGE smile on my face!
In many ways this sex toy is MUCH BETTER than anything from Tenga, Fleshlight or any of those toy companies. This thing actually looks very realistic, which adds to the erotic enjoyment. I personally find it easier to get off with this versus some long, generic looking tube.
KEY POINT: I never have to worry about pleasing her. This toy is all about ME and my personal enjoyment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about sexually satisfying a lady in my company.
But sometimes I just want to get off and be done with it. No after care. No cuddling or caressing. Just pump, dump and done.
Yes, it’s expensive!
At just over $200 the Fuck Me Silly is NOT a cheap sex toy. In fact this is pretty much the most money I would ever consider spending on a male masturbator. But if you have the cash to spare, it’s completely worth it.
No, it’s not portable
In fact, it’s damn big! About 20 lbs. large to be exact. This means it won’t fit in the dresser drawer by the bed. You’ll need a dedicated space in your closet for this one.
Still it uses much less storage space (and much cheaper) than a full size sex doll.
It’s quite durable
I’ve pounded the living shit out of this thing. Seriously. In the ass. In the pussy. Back and forth. I can’t seem to damage it! And believe me, I’ve tried 🙂
I did some research on this toy online, and I discovered that earlier models had one major flaw. There wasn’t enough “tissue” between the vagina and anal openings. This area was rather thin, so some users were tearing this section apart. This appears to have been rectified by Pipedreams Extreme lineup. No issues with that at all, at least on the one I purchased.
Pictures of the box
I couldn’t find pics like these anywhere on the web, so I uploaded these for your viewing pleasure. I don’t know about you, but I like to see the box that a toy comes in. It often gives more details about the item inside.
In this case, Pipedreams did a great job of designing the factory packaging. It got me really excited to use it, before I even opened it up!
Here’s what comes in the box
Opening the box is a bit of a chore. First you have to cut the packing tape. Then slide the huge ass out of there. It’s securely packaged in form fitting styrofoam. You’ll have to ease the whole thing out of there, or just cut the box in several places. Just don’t cut too deep because you risk cutting into the skin of the toy.
Obviously you get the Mega Masturbator, but it also comes with samples of lube, toy cleaner and “revive” powder. The first two are self explanatory.
Here’s the deal with the powder. After using and cleaning the toy a few times, the surface gets slightly tacky. This isn’t a bad thing, but completely normal. The powder renews the surface, bringing it back to like-new condition.
The lube is water based, and it does a pretty decent job. It’s not my favorite, as I prefer Passion Lube. See it here on my Best Lubes page. But any water based slippery stuff will do the trick. Even the cheap and widely available Astro Glide works just fine.
REMEMBER: always use a water based lube. No silicone or oils should be applied. These might degrade the surface of the toy, rendering it useless down the road.
Personally, I don’t find the antibacterial cleaner to have much benefit. A thorough washing with warm soapy water will work just as well. But hey, since I got it for free I used it anyway.
If you really want some peace of mind, get a larger bottle of the cleaner and apply it liberally. This doesn’t have to be Pipedreams brand, it can be any antibacterial toy cleaner.
The Revive powder (or similar) is a necessity. Simply sprinkle some on the surface and gently rub it in after every couple of uses.
Once you’ve used it all, just buy some corn starch from your local grocery. It’s the same thing and works just as well. You could always purchase the official stuff from Pipedream, but why not save a few bucks when it performs the same function?
The air pressure hole
The purpose of this hole is to allow air in and out of the toy. When pressing on the ass (or pounding the hell out of it) this keeps it from ballooning up. Think of it as a “vent”.
You can see it in the middle of the picture below, right above the number 6 on the ruler. That ruler is a standard US one foot long ruler, by the way.
REVIEW NOTE: when cleaning her, make sure you NEVER submerge completely under water. Yes, this would make cleaning easier. But according to the manufacturer, letting water in there will actually shrink the foam on the inside. Then she’ll look like a wrinkled old lady that had a boob job 40 years ago. Akin to a rock in a sock. Then your bitchin’ toy is ruined.
I like to start by cleaning the holes, then moving on to the exterior.
The easiest way I’ve found is to use a kitchen sink with lots of room. One with a tall neck on the faucet is better. A faucet with a removable sprayer is the best. Drop her in there (remember what I told you about the air hole, above) and jam the sprayer in one of the sex holes. It doesn’t matter which, since they are connected. Let the water run through for a minute. This will wash most of the jizz and lube out.
Stop. Get some mild soap and dribble some in there. Use your fingers and rub around in there, both holes, until you’re satisfied you got everything. Then get the sprayer and repeat the rinsing.
You can do this just once, or several times. It’s really up to you. Just make sure you get it cleaned thoroughly.
At this point you can shake her out to get most of the water off. Then set on the counter to air dry. Once she’s dry, apply the Renew powder or corn starch.
Then she’s fully locked and loaded for your next romp!
How she feels
For starters, NO, she doesn’t feel as good as a real woman. Nothing can replicate the warmth, tightness and overall sexy sensations of a woman’s body. But it’s about as close as you can get. And for the money, she’s much less expensive than wining and dining a real lady 🙂
I estimate that when fucking her, it feels about like an 18 year old’s pussy. The ass isn’t as tight as a real ass, but good enough.
One thing that’s amazing about having sex with a real woman is how she clenches her muscles down there when she’s climaxing. Well, you’ll never feel that sensation with this toy. But that’s ok, because no sex toy can replicate that. Period.
This toy makes me cum harder
And I really can’t explain why. I think it’s more of an emotional, rather than a physical thing.
In conclusion, the thought of pounding a lifelike ass kinda turns me on. Dumping a huge load in one or both holes is hugely satisfying for me personally. I truly cum harder every single time, and somehow conjure up larger than normal cum shots.
It doesn’t have the suction of a Fleshlight. And I can’t adjust the tightness of it by sqeezing or releasing it, like with a pocket pussy. But that’s ok, because it provides a completely unique experience.
I love this ass, and she was a wickedly fun review to write!
Where to buy her
As I mentioned earlier, bought this toy from Amazon. By far the lowest price you’ll find anywhere. If you want to buy her for yourself, get the lowdown on Amazon.com. Click the button below
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